Welcome to From Anon, Happiful’s monthly agony aunt column that gives you the opportunity to anonymously ask a qualified counsellor for advice and guidance on whatever’s been worrying you lately. This month, one reader wants to know why their mental state doesn't feel like it's improving, even though they are making changes.
Why does my mental state not change, despite doing all the ‘right’ things?
Ayo says: While this must be extremely disheartening, it’s not uncommon, so please know that you’re not alone. Self-care is essential, and I encourage you to continue making sure you’re getting adequate sleep, nourishment, social contact, and moving as much as possible. Beyond the basics, however, there is no ‘right’ way; it’s a matter of finding what works for you, which unfortunately, may require some trial and error before you start seeing changes.
Nevertheless, if you’re suffering from a condition such as depression, anxiety, or PTSD, it’s possible that you’re merely managing the symptoms, rather than addressing the core issue. These conditions are often rooted in unprocessed trauma, chronic shame, and/or ongoing external circumstances that even the most comprehensive self-care routine cannot fully resolve. This is especially true of trauma, which is stored in the body and requires interventions at this level. Somatic therapies such as eye movement desensitisation and reprocessing (EMDR), sensorimotor psychotherapy, and somatic experiencing can help to release trauma, and counselling can provide a space to explore any negative beliefs you have about yourself and the stressful situations keeping you stuck.
We must also not forget the link between physical and mental health, and the impact of factors such as hormones and gut health. Thyroid disorders, for example, have long been associated with depression, and nearly one in three people with a chronic condition (including diabetes and IBS) also have mental health issues. It may be worth visiting your GP to rule out any physiological or neurological issues at play, and if you’re already suffering from an illness, do not underestimate the effect it may continue to have on your emotional wellbeing.
Finally, healing is not linear. It’s understandable that you wish to feel a certain way, but not only might this be unrealistic for you at the moment, such pressure may be causing you further stress. Sometimes getting better simply means not getting worse; other times progress is being made, but it looks different to what we have in mind. Try lowering your expectations by not comparing where you are currently to an ideal state, especially the ‘old’ you, and consider keeping a diary so you can see your healing journey in its entirety. With a little more patience and self-compassion, I am hopeful that you will experience a shift.
Ayo Adesioye | Dip. Couns MBACP | Ayo is an integrative psychotherapist. Learn more about Ayo Adesioye by visiting her profile on the Counselling Directory.
Big or small, old or new, if something has been worrying you, submit an anonymous question to Ayo for the chance of seeing it answered in next month’s column.
If you could ask a counsellor anything, what would it be?
From Anon is not a replacement for professional support. If you are struggling, reach out to your GP, or a qualified counsellor on Counselling Directory.
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