Should we meet in the next few months, I may be a little low energy, maybe even irritable. One reason for my grumpiness is the season - long spells of bitter cold wear on my soul. But there is another reason: I have just gone through a break up.
Perhaps you are thinking, How unfortunate that she is dealing with a breakup, so close to Valentine’s Day. But I am referring to a different kind of break up. As part of my Clinical Mental Health Counseling program, I am taking a course in Addictions Counseling. One of our assignments is to log our substance use - alcohol, nicotine, sugar, chocolate, caffeine, cannabis, over-the-counter and prescription medications and illicit drugs - over five days and then choose one substance to reduce or remove from our lives for the rest of the semester.
I know there is a genetic component to addiction. As alcoholism appears on both sides of my family tree and I have witnessed the devastating impact of the disease, I long ago chose to avoid alcohol and most other addictive substances.
But I have really enjoyed starting each day with a cup of strong caffeinated coffee, cherishing how the dust of sleep falls completely away once it takes effect. It is almost like a curtain opens in my mind and the morning seems bright and promising. This morning cup is usually my only caffeinated beverage but a midday energy slump or the onset of a headache, for which caffeine is a medicine, might inspire another cup. Since caffeine is pretty much my only addiction and I knew giving it up for three months would be difficult, that is the choice I made.
Abstaining from a substance is a choice, as is the path of harm reduction, of continuing to use a substance in a way that does the least harm to ourselves and others. Perhaps recognizing the value of many paths to wellbeing is the first lesson of this exercise.
I share my experience as this exercise offers another valuable lesson. At its heart, ending a relationship with an addictive substance is teaching me empathy with those who, in the future, I may companion as they make their own choices of reduction or abstinence. When I long for a midday cup of coffee to pull me out of my drowsiness, it offers me a tiny window into the lived experience of those who sit with the discomfort of craving a chemical that will help them feel better in the short term.
In these divisive times, empathy across difference seems hard to come by. And, in these stressful times, many of us are trying to figure out life-giving ways to navigate each day. I remember learning that many people turned to alcohol during the pandemic as a coping strategy. I would not be surprised to learn that we are in a similar time.
My exercise of giving up caffeine inspires me to ask these questions:
- What are your coping mechanisms in this time? Which ones serve you best? In all things, how can we reduce harm to our bodies, minds and spirits?
- What are you willing to do to strengthen your empathy?
- What sacrifices are you willing to make to be of better service to others?
Since giving up caffeine, I have enjoyed deeper sleep. I still have coffee first thing in the morning, albeit decaf, continuing part of my morning ritual. This breakup could be a lot worse.
Over the rest of this semester, I will consider whether I resume my relationship with caffeine when the exercise is complete. However I decide will be a choice about what relationships I want to sustain. I hope you feel grounded in all your choices, this month and in all the days to come.
